“Sean” would be the crazy literary type. People would wonder if he saved his urine in jars, that kind of thing. Sean and Jeff would argue publicly, but no one would physically see them together. The arguing came easy, as my personalities attempted to mesh.
They’re both equally popular, so I’m thinking about killing one off in the near future.
Dan: I’m a fan of anyone with the same initials. Donkey Kong, Donna Karan, DMX, Denzel Washington.
Actually the poster is there because my father’s name was Walter. He had a secret life. I’ve never seen the movie.
Me: Tell us about the Dan Krokos Foundation. Why have you made it your life’s work to ban Scotch Whiskey?
Dan: You’ve got that wrong. The Dan Krokos Foundation works to ban Scotch-Brite. My dog ate a couple cleaning pads when I was a kid, and it died. Thanks for bringing it up.
That’s not why I want to have lunch with him though. It’s because he’s cooler than any writer has a right to be. He’s got these tattoos on his forearms. He writes these blog posts that make you realize you’re an idiot asshole and he’s the coolest dude on the planet. He’s smart. I bet he’d have good stories. He also swears a lot.
I emailed him a few times, and he always replied right away with some words of encouragement and sage advice.
Me: Tell us about your agent and why the match is perfect?
Dan: This is very simple. Janet is everything a writer needs. She doesn’t coddle me. Writers are very flaky people by design. We live in a fantasy world for most of our waking hours. Janet realizes this, and she doesn’t put up with nonsense. She makes me better. She doesn’t sugarcoat it when I drop the ball. But she also knows when to encourage. With her in my corner, I know I’m safe. I feel like I can do anything.
She can also line edit a manuscript so well it makes me realize I actually have no idea what I’m doing.
Me: Publishing is going through an evolution right now. Talk about how this has or will affect you.
Dan: It hasn’t. Or if it has, I don’t know how. I just write books. Maybe that will change when my book comes out, but I don’t know. Oh, and since everyone is talking about ebooks, I’m all for it. Whatever gets people reading.
I guess social networking has become more important. I don’t really understand the concept. I twitter because I love the people I talk to. There’s a downside to it though. It seems like some people do it to trade favors. The whole thing reminds me of high school a little bit.
Then again, it’s really cool for the reader. I’m a fan, too, and it’s really cool I can talk to Duane Swierczynski on twitter, or leave a comment on Veronica Roth’s blog. Did I mention it’s really cool? Really cool.
Dan: My lawyers have advised me to ignore this question.
Me: Give me the subject and overview of a Dan Krokos non-fiction book.
Dan: I hate research, unless it’s something I’m interested in. So it would be a book about burritos or Anna Torv.
Actually I get really obnoxious if I read non fiction. I have to share the facts I learn with everybody. I read a book about body language and for a week I was like “YOUR FOOT IS POINTING IN THAT DIRECTION BECAUSE YOU SECRETLY WANT ROB TO DIE.”
**These two questions were left on my porch with an empty bottle of Scotch and a pair of pants…
If she hadn’t done that, given me a chance to fix my bad habits, who knows where I’d be.
Me: Can all literature be improved with the inclusion of swords, or only some literature?